To the core
by Laet-lyre
Summary: Kai has emotions, even if he is uses to pretend he doesn't, but he shall give up on them for his duties. Will he just sit and let Ray go, or will he let his heart decide for once? "Maybe coming back wasn't a good idea…" "Then do both of us a favor. Pretend this never happened"
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for reading this new project of mine! This is not my first story, but it's the first I write right in English. If you were so kind to point out any mistake I make, I would be really grateful. I hope you enjoy this, critics and suggestions are always welcome.

* * *

He had to restrain himself from pulling away from the sudden contact. The other guy must have noticed the startle the touch caused on his teammate, because he retrieved his hand from his shoulder.

"Is everything ok, Kai?" he asked.

' _No, everything is NOT ok'_ the Russian thought, but he bit his words back. "I'm fine" he said instead, though he couldn't keep the bitterness away from his voice.

Guilt washed over him as he looked into the golden eyes of his friend. The raven-haired male was just trying to help, and he acted like a moron. But he couldn't help it. He looked down at his blade, resting on the floor before him, as feelings rushed inside him. He took Dranzer and occupied his place on the bench, never sparing a look at his friends, who were sending some worried glances at him.

Kai didn't know when it all started. He woke up one day and he found out, with a shudder of dread, his walls had tumbled down. He _felt_. Not that he didn't have feelings before, but they were like a faint breeze against a rock castle. Now, he hadn't that numbing barrier, and his emotions roared like a tidal wave.

' _And it's all because of HIM.'_

His eyes hardened as he looked at his Chinese teammate. He might not know when, how or even why he had changed, but he knew it had something to do with Ray. Whenever the raven-haired was around, he was unable to think straight. His silky hair, the curve of his smile, his smoldering eyes, like a pair of suns… his sight made him tremble, and dulled his head. It made him sick. He had to put it to an end.

Kai jumped to his feet, gaining startled looks from his friends, and walked back to the dojo. A sigh of relief left his throat as he closed the door of his bedroom. He opened the wardrobe, took his duffel-bag and started to fill it with his belongings. He was half-done with it when the door snapped open. Only the years he spent training his self-control kept him from jumping in surprise.

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

The bicolor blinked. That was all he could do, as he felt his mind freeze and his heart race. Ray arched a brow at his lack of response.

"So? Are you running away? Just like that?" the tiger said. "You've been acting weird lately. As if you were… avoiding me. Is that it?" he looked at him intently. "Are you mad at me?"

Kai run a hand through his hair, sighing. He breathed in and out a few times, hating himself for the weakness that was taking over him.

"You make me sick" he finally mumbled.

The Russian felt miserable. His words had hurt, deeply; he didn't need to see the horrified expression on his mate's face to know. Meanwhile, Ray was dumbfounded. At first, the words cut through him, sharp as blades, and drew the breath out of his lungs. But something didn't fit in that phrase. Then it hit him. Kai's voice. Despite the slight contempt, it was weak and filled with… despair? He had never seen him tremble.

"Kai…" he called, reaching for him.

' _No'_ the bicolor tried to say, but he could only watch, helpless, as Ray's hand came closer until it rested flat against his chest. Something, like an electric shock, beat him. It wasn't painful, though, and left a warm sensation spreading through his body.

He couldn't remember what happened next. He wasn't aware of his own moves. He just found himself a step away from where he had been standing, his hands placed on Ray's shoulders, pulling him closer, and his lips clashing against his. Aghast, he pushed the other away and took a few steps back.

"No… no, no, no…" he repeated under his breath over and over again. He couldn't have done _that_. He couldn't have _those_ feelings. _'I've screwed up'_.

The Chinese touched his lips with the tips of his fingers. They were still tingling. He felt heat rising to his cheeks when realization struck him. He had _liked_ it. Ray was aware his feelings for Kai had grown lately. At first he just respected and admired him, but with time he had come to enjoy his presence, and seeing him happy or content –as happy and content as the stoic Russian could be- made him want to smile like an idiot. However, he was sure those feelings were one-sided, and chose to bury them but… but maybe he had been wrong. Kai didn't like touching people, and he had just kissed him! That _had_ to mean something.

He looked at Kai as if he was seeing him for the very first time. He seemed lost and vulnerable, opposite to the mask of unwavering strength the Russian used to wear. He liked it. He liked seeing him so human. Ray walked towards him. Kai lifted his head and met his eyes.

"Ray, don't…" _'…come any closer'_ he was going to say, but Ray silenced him with a soft kiss. And then another. And then he was the one to kiss the Asian. He forgot his fears and everything he was taught at the Abbey and pulled Ray closer, until he could feel the warmth of his body. He dug his hands in his thick hair. It was softer than he had ever imagined. When they pulled apart, he was sitting on his bed, with Ray on top of him. The raven-haired traced his features with a finger. He just stayed there, mesmerized by every subtle move of the younger boy.

A sad smile crept into his lips. He was pathetic. And he wasn't allowed to.

"We can't do this" he said, regaining some of his composure.

"What?" Ray stood up. "Is it because we are both men?"

Kai shook his head.

"I am not like this. I'm not supposed to…"

"Feel?" he completed.

"More or less."

"That's ridiculous… I thought you had gotten over your grandfather's craziness."

"Ridiculous or not, I have duties, and can't ditch them for… whatever this is."

Ray growled in frustration and disbelief.

"I hate it when you are like this. Then, why did you kiss me? Do you think playing with my feelings is funny?" he shook his head. "Maybe coming back wasn't a good idea…"

The bicolor gritted his teeth and glared at him, no trace of affection in his eyes.

"Then do both of us a favor. Pretend this never happened and go marry that pink fluffy thing from the White Tigers."

Golden eyes flashed as he had never seen before, full of rage. Ray left the room, and he couldn't help feeling he was the stupidest man alive.

Thanks for reading this new project of mine!


	2. Chapter 2

He earnestly thought things would get better after pushing Ray away. That he would be able to rebuild his barriers, stronger than before, and leave those alien feelings behind.

Kai woke up the next morning to find the Chinese was already in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. He wouldn't admit it, not even to himself, but he was relieved Ray was still there. A part of him had feared the raven-haired would take the first flight back to China. The bicolor shook his head. Of course Ray hadn't. What happened the previous day was just a mistake. And Ray was no lovelorn maiden. He wouldn't spend his days bewailing because he broke his heart. Which he was sure he hadn't. Their feelings weren't that serious. Just a stupid, little infatuation they would both forget soon.

When Ray turned around and faced him, he caught a glimpse of surprise in his face, but was instantly replaced by a blank expression.

"Good morning" Ray said, a sharp edge in his voice, but never losing his politeness. "Coffee?"

Kai nodded and took a sit at the table. In the blink of an eye he had a mug of freshly made coffee and a plate of toasts before him. Ray sat as well at his usual place, right next to him. The Russian suppressed a smirk. Yes, everything would be back to normal shortly.

* * *

They ate silently, none of them sparing a look at the other, and had already finished by the time the others came into the kitchen. Ray greeted them, as he always did, and stood to take his and Kai's dishes. But suddenly Kai took them to the sink to wash them himself. He didn't know why he had done that, but he felt the urge to give the Chinese a helping hand. Well, he didn't know why until Ray went to take something from the counter and didn't say anything. Not a single "thank you" or a little smile. Kai turned off the tap and left to the backyard.

He launched Dranzer to the beydish and clenched his fists, trying to concentrate. Wishing he could burn those senseless thoughts with the phoenix's flames.

"He's gone nuts" Tyson complained. "I swear he wants to kill us."

Training was especially hard that day. It had been getting worse since a few days ago, but that time the Japanese thought they weren't going to make it out alive. Now he, Max and Ray were lying on the sofa, on the verge of collapse.

"I think…" Max started, still fighting to catch his breath, "Ray had it tougher that anyone" he focused his big blue eyes on his raven-haired teammate. "Did you put… a laxative in his food or something?"

"I wish I had" he replied with a wry smile. "Then this would make some sense."

"Maybe we should do it" Tyson chuckled. "I mean, what do we have to lose? This can't get any worse."

Max giggled a little, but Ray just cracked a faint smile. He wasn't blind. He knew Kai resented him. But he also knew the Russian was oblivious to it. Sometimes Kai tried to be nicer to him, while he acted cold and indifferent, and he could see that got the bicolor frustrated.

' _Pretend it never happened, that's what he wanted me to do'_ he told himself. The Russian wanted the affection between them to disappear, and so it would be.

* * *

Kai threw away the papers he was reading and sunk his head in his hands. He was unable to focus in his work. His mind insisted on replaying his last battle against Ray. He won, but he couldn't remember exactly how. From a certain point, all he could see in his mind were those golden eyes, fiery and cold.

' _That's what I want'_ he mused. _'That's what I asked'_ a part of him corrected. He frowned, not liking the path his ideas were taking.

He regained the scattered papers and placed them neatly into a folder. Then he grabbed a book from the shelf. Reading the reports about Hiwatari Enterprises wasn't helping him, and in his state of mind he wasn't going to get any work done anyway, so maybe entertaining himself with a novel would be a good idea. He sat on his bed, his back resting on the headboard, and opened the book. He didn't know how long he spent like that, when a soft knocking on the door brought him back to reality.

"Come in."

The door opened and he found himself sinking into a pair of golden pools.

"Dinner is ready."

Kai looked through the window, surprised to find out it was that late. He had been so abstracted he didn't notice the light had dimmed.

"Everything… fine?" the Asian asked.

"Uhm, yeah" he managed to reply, taken aback by the sudden question. It had been a while since the last time Ray had shown the slightest interest in him.

The raven-haired seemed to accept that answer, as he nodded and left down the corridor.

What the hell happened to him? Was his heart really beating that hard because of a slight sign of concern? He wanted to punch himself. He wasn't like that. He wasn't supposed to be like that.

' _I know better than to act like a lovesick teenager.'_

He entered the kitchen, determined to act as he was supposed to, but he froze in place at the sight of a person who shouldn't be there.

"Hey, Kai, it's been a while" the redhead beamed.

"Salima" he muttered.

Her style had change a lot. Her hair had been tamed, and fell straight down her back like a silky cascade. And she was no longer wearing that leather jacket, but something more feminine: a white dress with laced sleeves. To be honest, he wouldn't have recognized her if it wasn't for her distinctive big violet eyes.

Ray sat next to her, simpering. The Russian would have slammed his head against the table to wipe that spellbound look in his eyes.

"How come you're here?" the bicolor said, taking a seat as far from them as he could.

"We met at the market, and Ray invited me" she replied, ignoring his grumpy tone. It wasn't odd for him.

"It's so cool you and your team are back" Tyson said. "I hope we get to battle you."

"Oh, it would be great but…"

Salima started an apology, but Kai didn't pay attention. He was too busy noticing how Ray's eyes shimmered. Anger bubbled inside him, but he fought to keep his cool. Nothing good would come out of making a fuss. The Chinese would despise him even more, and he would lose all respect his team still had for him.

He barely tried the food. Another bite and he would surely throw up. Kai went back to his room, not bothering on making up any excuse. They wouldn't care anyway.

The Russian threw himself across the bed and hid his head down the pillow. He hadn't cried in ages, and he wouldn't now. He breathed in and out, until nausea vanished. Then, he pictured an image of his heart. He saw it, scarred, beaten, surrounded by the ruins of his inner walls. He focused. The vision changed. Piece by piece, the remains of his barriers went back to place, rebuilding the structure. He felt numb. Pain soothed.

Some stubborn feelings resisted to fade. That had never happened before. Kai took a closer look and saw a hint of hope was keeping them alive. He frowned. Hope for what? For Ray to come and fall in his arms? Even if that happened, he already had a path to follow. And love was nowhere near that path. He created an ice layer over the walls, freezing everything that wasn't shut inside his barriers.

When he was finished, it was late in night, but all sign of ailment was gone. He felt as if he had an iceberg inside his chest, just as it had been at the Abbey.

Just as it had to be.


	3. Chapter 3

"Thanks for letting Salima attend to training" he said. He had wanted to thank Kai, and when he found him alone in the kitchen, looking for some drink, he thought it was good time.

Salima became a constant since that day he had invited her to the dojo. She was almost part of the team now, which made Hilary rather happy, as she wasn't the only girl around anymore. For the other guys, the novelty was refreshing. The redhead was a fierce battler, which made them try harder.

Kai merely shrugged, apathetical.

"I don't care, as long as it doesn't affect your performance."

Ray arched a brow at the tone of indifference. The Russian didn't precisely like having people around, but he was taking Salima's presence far too well.

"If I didn't know you, I would say you like her" he dropped, a sly smile plastered on his face.

In fact, Kai had agreed to fight against her and had nodded approvingly, acknowledging her worth, more than once. That wasn't easy to achieve.

The bicolor smirked lightly at the remark.

"Fear not. I have no interest on your new girlfriend."

Ray's cheeks tinged in a deep shade of red.

"Sh-she is not my-!"

"As I said before, I don't care" he cut as he motioned towards the door of the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. "However" he added, lingering on the threshold, "don't let me walk in on you snogging. That would be quite… embarrassing for us all."

The raven-haired blushed again, mid-way between indignation and embarrassment. He tried to deny it, but he found out he couldn't. He wanted to punch himself at the realization. A few days ago he was up to start a relationship with Kai, and now he was considering Salima. If he added Mariah to the equation, he could brace himself for disaster.

He sat on the counter. To be honest, he wasn't sure he liked Mariah _that_ way. Did the other two have something in common that Mariah didn't? The three of them were strong-willed, but while Kai and Salima were unconventional, not caring what people could say, Mariah was the kind to settle for the established. The pink-haired just wanted to marry and live the same life their ancestors had. He saw her as a friend, a little sister maybe. _'A really overprotective one'_ he mused.

Ray looked up the independence Kai and Salima had. They were strong, quick-witted and, the most important, challenging. They made him want to push his limits. He wanted that.

Kai was the most unconventional of the two, and he knew his life would be full of surprises by his side, but the Russian's temperament was also hard to handle.

'And _he doesn't want anyone to mess his neat plans'_ he told himself, with a little more bitterness than he wanted to admit.

* * *

"I know I'm pretty, but stop drooling over me."

Ray laughed, and she smiled. He loved that sarcastic humor, and the redhead knew.

"So… where do you want to go?" Salima asked.

"I was thinking about going to the cinema, and then there is a nice book café close to the park…"

"Great" she smiled, and they started walking. "You know? This sounds quite like a date" she pointed out after a while, making Ray almost falter. "Is this a date?"

"I, uhm…" the Asian fidgeted. "I think it would only be a date if we both wanted it to" he answered doubtful.

"Man, this might be the worst attempt to ask someone out ever seen" she chuckled, but Ray was delighted to see she was blushing a little.

"Okay then, Salima, would you date me?" he asked, changing to a demure tone.

"Wow, well, this one is a little overwhelming" the raven-haired grinned. But then she went serious. "What about that girl from the White Tigers? I thought you both had… something."

"It's true I went out with her a few years ago, but it didn't work, at least for me."

"But she still loves you" she read between the lines. "Ray, I like you, a lot" she confessed, "but I don't want to "be the other" in her eyes."

"You won't" he calmly replied. "I called her last week. I told her I wasn't going back home. She asked me about "ours", and I said I only thought of her as a sister."

They walked in silence for a while.

"That was hard" Salima murmured.

"It was hard to say as well" he assured, "but I didn't want to play with her feelings."

Ray wasn't going to lie about it, even if it made Salima think he was cruel. Nevertheless, the girl seemed to thank his honesty, as she entwined her hand with his and sent him a reassuring smile. He smiled back and leaned to kiss her. Being requited was gorgeous.

* * *

He kept his blank expression while Salima and Ray shared a kiss, but it was a hard blow. His armor resisted, unfazed, but it still annoyed him. So yeah, he had been the one to say they couldn't be together, and of course the Chinese had every right to date whoever he wanted… but it all happened in a matter of days! It was a low blow to his pride.

"Training is over" he announced after a few more practices.

Tyson and Max sprawled on the ground, grateful. The captain shook his head. He should do something about their laziness.

"Hey, guys" Salima called their attention, "we're gonna get some ice cream, do you want any?"

"Of course!" the Japanese beamed.

Kai rolled his eyes. _'Tell him about food and he'll run to get it, no matter how far. Maybe I should bring some treats to training'_ he almost snickered at his thoughts. Some treats and a leash and…

"What about you, Kai?" the redhead asked, interrupting his musing.

"No, thanks. Some of us have things to do."

"Yeah, like how to torture us" he heard Tyson mumble when he turned to leave.

"Wanna run ten extra leaps tomorrow, dunderhead?" the bicolor said without looking back. A smirk crossed his face when Tyson gulped. He might have to add a muzzle to the leash and treats' pack.

Kai entered his room and inhaled deeply. He counted to ten and then released the air slowly. His shields were still in place but every day he needed more time alone. It wasn't just that Ray had moved on so fast. He couldn't quite put a finger on it, but there was something wrong with the redhead. He was suspicious by nature, and Salima fired his alarms.

Kai took off his clothes and went for a shower. The warm water running over his body helped him to think.

He had told Ray he didn't care what he did, and it was true, but he wouldn't let anyone hurt his teammates. They were friends, even if they argued most of time. He had let them down more than once, but his team never abandoned him. The bicolor acted as if it wasn't important, but it was. If anyone messed with them, he'd make them pay.

' _First things first'_ he told himself. He had to find out what was out of place. _'They hang out rather often, kiss and cheer each other'_ he noted. That sounded like a real couple, as far as he knew. No, the problem wasn't in what they did. They both were acting normal for a couple, or Hillary and the others would have already noticed. It had to be something more subtle, something he wasn't consciously aware of.

He sighed and turned off the water. He knew little about relationships and, even if he wanted to protect his friend, Ray wouldn't appreciate him to nose in his life. That seemed a dead end.

Once dry and dressed, Kai sat at his desk, reaching for a folder. He decided to put the subject aside and studied his papers until he was called for dinner. Everyone else was there when he entered into the kitchen.

"That smells delicious" Salima was saying , causing the raven-haired to blush.

Kai frowned a little. The remark sounded strange to his ears. Food was great, indeed; it always was: Ray was an awesome cook. Why did she compliment him now? She hadn't when the Chinese had first invited her. Was she trying to make up for something?

The Russian shook his head. _'I'm paranoid.'_

He grabbed a pair of sticks and started to eat, not paying attention to their talk, disturbed here and there by Tyson's sounds. He was probably trying to stuff as much food as he could in his mouth. As usual. He only reacted when Max poured a good amount of mayonnaise* over his plate.

"What?" the blond asked.

Kai realized he had been staring at him in disbelief.

"Nothing. Just wondering if that could be considered a crime."

Ray chuckled, while Tyson and Salima looked alternatively at him and the American.

"Mayonnaise makes everything better" Max replied in a defensive tone. That was one of the few things that could make him angry.

"I highly doubt something can make Ray's food any better" the words left his mouth without him noticing. He received four perplex gazes, and he mentally facepalmed. He couldn't afford his feelings to pop out again, and the cute smile Ray sent him didn't help. _'Wait, cute? Did I just think his smile is_ cute _?'_ He shook his head. "You know I'm right."

"Thanks, Kai" the raven-haired said. The Russian grunted, avoiding his eyes.

Tyson was about to say something, probably a mock against him, but his cellphone started to ring.

' _Bless you, whoever it is.'_

"Hello?" he answered as he went out the kitchen and to the front yard.

"It's Diana, sir" he recognized his assistant's voice. Kai wasn't still used to being called "sir". Or to have an assistant, for that matter. "I call to inform you the meeting with Ishikawa has been changed."

The bicolor frowned. That was unusual. Ishikawa had a very organized and strict schedule.

"Did anything happen?"

"Some "unexpected issues", or so they said. I'm afraid they didn't give further explanation, sir."

"It doesn't matter" he replied. If Ishikawa had changed her mind about collaborating with them, she would have cancelled the appointment and told them right away. She wasn't one for petty games. Which he liked. "When is it now?"

"Tomorrow morning, sir" there was a hint of sorrow in her voice.

"What?!" he could mentally see Diana flinch and fought to regain his cool. He ran a hand through his hair. "Sorry, is not your fault."

"They will send a car to pick you at seven."

"Fine" he nodded.

He hung up and sighed. The bad side of working with a robot wannabe like Ishikawa was that you had to be disposable 24/7 for work, just as she was, and couldn't argue about things like that. He rested his back against the wall surrounding the dojo and looked to the sky, feeling tiny. It was a beautiful night, no cloud covering the stars. Nothing seemed important when contemplating those infinite lights.

Kai turned around, surprised, as the front door opened. How long had he been there? He recognized Ray and Salima. He should leave and give them privacy, but he couldn't. The Russian stood there, close to the pond, while they kissed. His heart missed a beat as he remembered how Ray's lips felt against his. The electricity, the fire. He shook his head. He'd better not think about it. It was an addictive sensation.

He was about to leave when Salima broke the kiss and said goodbye.

' _How can she leave like that?'_ he thought. When Ray and he had kissed, he had been unable to take his hands off him. Did Salima have more willpower than him? No, that wasn't the question. _'The question is: why does she hold herself back?'_

He had discovered something, he was sure. Now he had to find out what.

* * *

*In the Spanish version, Max loves mustard, but I think it was mayonnaise in the English version, is that right?

About Ishikawa, she is a reference to 'Memories of Idhun', by Laura Gallego García ("Memorias de Idhún" in the original version; it's translated to a lot of languages but English for some reason). Not important for the story, just a wink to MdI fans ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks a lot Cuma and NorthenShinigami for your reviews :D

* * *

He sighed and loosened the knot of his tie. The meeting had been hard. Ishikawa was pickier than usual. Not that Kai could blame her. _'This is what you get by letting noobs in'_ he thought disgusted. As if he didn't have enough to think about. Things like: why would certain redhead restrict her shows of affection towards her handsome boyfriend? The adjectives he was starting to use for Ray were also worrying.

"Hey, Kai!"

The Russian groaned. What now?

He turned on his heels and blinked, perplex.

"What are you doing here?"

A young blue-haired male in a business suit stood before him. He was no other than Kane. His deep blue eyes sparkled with amusement at his bewildered expression.

"I think you just met my boss."

"You work for Smith?" he asked.

"M-hm" the guy nodded. "I'm his assistant."

' _You're doomed'_ he thought, but he kept it to himself. Mr. Smith was new in the world of international companies. He had expanded his family business, thanks to some influential acquaintances, but that meant nothing when dealing with Ishikawa. It didn't matter if you were close friends with the Queen of England. Results were all she cared about. Smith had spent most of the meeting babbling about some friends he had that worked for this or that company… By the look in Ishikawa's eyes, she was wishing to lose him from sight.

"How long have you been working with him?" Kai started a little conversation as they walked towards the lifts.

"A few months… four, I think."

"What do you think of him?"

"He's cool" he answered with a grin. "At first I thought businessmen would all be like workaholic cyborgs, you know? But Mr. Smith is way more relaxed, like, what does success mean if it doesn't let you enjoy life? So he puts his family and friends first."

Kai stopped dead on his tracks. Luckily, they had reached the elevators so Kane didn't notice. The blue-haired pressed the call button and spoke again.

"I know you might think we're naïve, most of people think running a company is just about finding the best way of making money, but I think that's rather sad" he smiled at the Russian apologetically.

"Why are you dealing with people like us then?" Kai asked, keeping a blank façade.

The doors opened and they entered the lift. Kane pressed the button for the ground floor before answering.

"Well, even if you have money as top priority, you're not soulless demons" he snickered. "Ishikawa, for example: she is relentless at business, but she also seems very interested in green sources of energy, and her company is funding projects to protect environment. And I know you'll also do great things when you fully handle Hiwatari enterprises."

Kai frowned and turned his head aside. Great things? He had always thought that kind of projects were done to gain good press. He sighed lightly. Kane was giving him a lot to think on top of all he already had. He saw things in such a different way… Maybe he was wrong? The bicolor shook his head and decided to change the subject.

"I'm sure Tyson and the others will be happy to see you again."

"Oh, are you all guys back in Japan? I wish I could pay you a visit, but I've been having a lot to do lately. I barely have time to spend with my girlfriend."

"Hn, I thought you said family and friends came first" he smirked.

Kane laughed.

"It's true, but sometimes we work hard too."

"And who's the lucky girl?" the bicolor asked as the doors opened again. They walked out the lift.

"She's…"

"Kane!" the exclamation cut him, and suddenly he was wrapped in a tight hug. "I was bored, this took you ages."

"Sorry, Hon."

Kai petrified at the sight of the red strands of hair. Kane turned to look at the Russian with a wide smile.

"I guess you remember Salima. We've been dating for two years" he said proudly.

The bicolor looked at her. She had frozen too, fear and guilt clear in her eyes. His first impulse was to insult her in all the languages he knew and demand an explanation.

' _HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON RAY!'_ his mind roared. He could feel anger bubbling under his skin. _'Don't lose it'_ the rational part of him stated. He couldn't start shouting at her in public. He clenched his fists and managed to act normally.

"Nice to meet you again, Salima" he said in a soft tone. That seemed to unnerve her, as fear became dread. She probably supposed he would tell Kane, and that unexpected behavior left her walking on thin ice.

"Y-yeah, me too" she mumbled.

"You're shaking, are you cold?" the blue-haired asked.

"No, I'm fine! Um… You want to have lunch?"

"Yes, I'm starving! What about you, Kai?"

"I meant you and I… alone" the redhead said, looking askance at Kai.

"But, Hon, it'll be more fun if…"

A high pitched sound interrupted him. Kane rummaged through his pockets until he found the source, a small beeper. He read the message on the small screen and grimaced.

"I guess we won't enjoy your company" Kai said, rising a brow.

"I'm sorry. Maybe next time? But you can still go together."

"Good idea" the Russian smiled, not giving Salima the chance to refuse. He had so many things to tell her…

* * *

Salima run a hand through her hair, her gaze fixed in some point outside the window. Kai ate calmly, as if nothing happened. That was the worst of it: uncertainty. After a while feeling his piercing eyes studying her, she snapped.

"What are you going to do?"

The bicolor arched a brow, and she was tempted to slam her hands against the table to make him react.

"Me?" he finally asked. "You are the one who messed, and so you are the one to fix things, _Hon_ " he added a good amount of venom to the last word. "So, how was it? You were bored because your boyfriend was working and you thought it would be fun to find a second one?"

The redhead straightened.

"You know nothing about me."

"Then explain" he replied, and took a sip of his coffee.

"This is not your business" she tilted her head.

Kai narrowed his eyes.

"Since Ray is my friend and you are going to hurt him, it _is_ my business."

"Because you are such a good friend…" she spat mockingly.

"Said the role model" he smiled coldly, causing her to shiver.

"Why are you so mean?" Salima hissed, nervously pulling from a strand of her hair. "If you're just going to insult me, I'll leave."

"You lied and cheated on two awesome guys, you have no right to dignity" Kai diverted his eyes from her. "But leave, go ahead. However, if you do, I'll tell everything to both Kane and Ray. I wonder how you would explain that…"

"It's your word against mine!" she exclaimed.

"Unless they talk to each other. Then it's your word against facts" he answered, though he was aware she knew. Salima was conscious she had no escape, and was attacking him in a desperate attempt to get away. He wasn't falling for that.

She groaned and hid his face in her hands. Kai waited patiently for her to speak.

"I didn't mean to hurt them. I just… I really like Ray."

"The problem is that you have a boyfriend. You have to break up with him if you want to date Ray."

"What if I love him?" she smiled sadly. "I know what you think, but I didn't go out with Ray because I was bored. I've always been comfortable around him and, before I realized, I…" she shrugged. "They say love makes people stupid. They might have a point" she looked at him. "Ray made me feel the same way I did when I started my relationship with Kane, and I somehow got addicted to his presence. Probably because I felt guilty when he wasn't around."

Kai leaned on the back of his seat. Feelings sure were trouble.

"You had to know this wouldn't last, even though I didn't find out. When Kane had to leave, you'd had have to choose one of them" Salima didn't answer. He sighed. "You have to choose either of them… unless they agree to an open relationship."

"You mean, if they ever forgive me."

He just stared back at her for a while.

"You have to choose" he repeated. "I don't care what you do, but Ray is my friend and I won't let you play with him."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are" the Russian cut. "Ray is the kind of person who would give you his heart and soul. If you aren't that serious, you don't deserve him."

His words were filled with anger, that type of anger one felt when a loved one was being hurt. Salima realized it too.

"You really care about him" she said.

It wasn't a question.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to all who are reading this story, it makes me really happy. Also, special thanks to Cuma and NorthernShinigami for your reviews :D

* * *

Kai only saw Salima once after that. She appeared when they were training and asked Ray to talk apart. The Chinese returned alone after what seemed ages for the bicolor. He didn't look any different. When asked, the raven-haired simply said that Salima was leaving the country.

Ray kept acting as usual, which only helped to increase Kai's concern. He couldn't know whether Ray was taking amazingly well the break up or deserved an Oscar. The worst part was that he couldn't ask him, as he wasn't supposed to know. It was dragging him. The Russian could barely sleep; not that he had ever slept a night straight, but for once it wasn't because of his bad memories.

One night he couldn't bear it. He got out of bed and changed into regular clothes. Maybe exercise would help, so he walked through the corridor that led to the backyard. He stopped when he reached the porch.

Ray was sitting there, curled with his knees pressed against his chest and his arms around his legs. Kai hesitated. He wanted to help him, but he had rejected Ray not long ago. Maybe his presence would make things worse…

The raven-haired seemed to notice his stare, because he lifted his head and looked at him.

"Can't sleep?" the Asian asked.

His hoarse voice made Kai's heart tug painfully. His anger against Salima had melted the ice in which he had surrounded his feelings. If he stayed there, he knew his walls would crumble again. A voice in his head commanded him to walk away and ignore those useless emotions again. It sounded kinda like his grandfather.

' _To Hell'_ he decided, and he sat right next to his friend.

Kai nodded a no as an answer.

"I would ask the same, but I think it's quite obvious."

The Chinese chuckled, but there was no trace of joy in that sound.

"What's wrong with me, Kai?" the aforementioned sent him a confused look. "I've been rejected twice in matter of weeks. I know it was risky to start a relationship right after…" his voice lowered. "I was still hurt. She might have noticed it and, well, who wants to be the second choice?"

"First, I didn't reject you" his sharp tone startled the raven-haired.

"Then let me say you have an odd way of not-rejecting…" Kai pressed his index against Ray's lips. The contact made them both shiver, but none moved.

The Asian's eyes shimmered with unshed tears under the moonlight. The sight was so sad and beautiful at the same time… Kai momentarily forgot how to breathe.

"I…" he hawked. "I didn't reject you. I had to reject my feelings for you. It's not the same" he explained. "There is nothing wrong with you" Kai said in a softer voice.

He couldn't swear it because of the dim light, but Ray seemed to be blushing.

"And secondly, she didn't leave because of you, or anything you did. She was…" he picked his words, wondering if truth would help or would just make Ray guilty for being in the middle of a relationship. "She had feelings for another person too. She decided it wasn't fair to date you if she wasn't sure of her feelings."

"What?" the golden eyes opened wide. "Why…? How do you…?"

"I…"

"You saw them, right?" he answered himself, suddenly calm. After a few seconds of silence he drew out a nervous laughter. "I guess I deserved it."

Kai was speechless. The Chinese kept laughing hysterically and some tears rolled down his cheeks. Nothing he could say would calm him. So he acted.

The sudden movement shocked Ray, ceasing his hysterics. One of Kai's arms was wrapped tight around his waist, while his other hand caressed the back of his head. He closed his eyes, hugged him back and rested his head against the Russian's shoulder. Kai didn't move or say anything while he cried his heart out. The warmth soothed him, and soon his weeping softened into sobs.

"K-Kai" he called.

"Hmm?"

"I'm-m sorry."

The bicolor pulled him a little closer.

"This is not your fault."

That whisper sent chills down his spine and cleared his mind. Kai was willingly embracing him, and he was grabbing his shirt as if his life depended on it. He wasn't sure he would be able to let him go.

"You shouldn't have hugged me."

"Why so?" he asked, slightly worried.

"Because I'm never going to release you."

Kai let out a chuckle. To Ray, it was the nicest sound in the world.

"You don't have to" he smiled at the soft murmur of content the Chinese emitted.

The warm body pressed against his felt awesome. He had never liked physical contact, but with Ray it was more than welcome.

After a while, he felt the raven-haired relax and lessen the grip of his shirt but didn't move apart. Kai moved a little to see his face. The Asian had fallen asleep.

* * *

The sunlight touched his eyelids and caused him to frown. He didn't feel like waking up that morning, no matter how much Tyson whined. _'Doing breakfast for once won't kill him'_ he decided. He also didn't care if Kai got mad at him for slacking. _'I really, really need a break.'_ The raven-haired turned in the bed letting out a subdued grumble and pulled the sheets over his head. They had a faint scent impregnated. It was nice. Maybe they had changed of softener.

Ray inhaled deeply and stretched, feeling more awake. He heard a strange sound. It was soft. Something like papers being flipped over. That didn't make sense. He opened his eyes and sat up.

The Asian blinked, confused.

"Kai?" he yawned more than said.

The said bicolor was sitting at the desk, with a good amount of papers scattered over the table. Kai spared a look at him.

"Feeling better?"

"Better?" Ray took a look around and realized he wasn't in his room. "Why am I in your room?"

"We had a talk last night, do you remember that?"

"I, um…" he ran a hand over his face, ashamed. "I cried a lot, right?"

Kai shrugged.

"I guess it's normal in that circumstances" he answered nonchalantly. "You fell asleep and I carried you in. I took you to your bed, but you mumbled you didn't want to be alone, so…" he gestured towards his bed.

Ray sighed. How could he be so pathetic?

"I'm sorry."

"Nevermind."

"But-"

"Ray" Kai sent him a warning look, "stop apologizing, ok? I know you all think I'm a soulless demon of some kind, which is probably true, but that doesn't mean I don't understand" he assured in a lighter tone. "You're hurt and will need time to recover, so you'll be exempt from training for a week… or until you feel like coming back."

The raven-haired's jaw dropped.

"I am… what?" Kai stared back at him in silence, so he kept talking. "Are you seriously giving me a week off?"

"Do I look like joking?"

"B-but…"

"Don't get used to it" he noted with a smirk.

Ray fidgeted, still worried.

"I don't want to become a burden for the team…"

The Russian sighed and threw the papers he was holding over the table. Anyone else would have been happy to have a week off training, but this was Ray: he cared more about the team than about his own well-being. He turned the chair to fully face the Asian.

"It wouldn't be good for the team if you had a breakdown in the middle of training. Everyone would be worried and unfocused –not to mention they would put the blame on me for forcing you in your state" Ray pouted, so he added: "Furthermore, Max and Tyson had been loafing a lot lately. Focusing on them will do wonders" his devilish smile caused Ray to both snicker and shake his head, pitying his teammates.

"Thanks."

Kai nodded and went back to his papers. The Chinese took the chance to study him. He realized the bicolor didn't look much better than he was feeling.

"Maybe you should take some holidays too."

"I'm fine" the other replied.

"I'm serious, with those black circles seems like you broke your nose" Kai pressed his lips, but didn't answer. Ray lost his patience. He jumped to his feet, walked towards the Russian and took his papers. The bicolor tried to get up and recover them, but he pushed him down with his free hand. "Okay, big boy, we all know how tough you are, you don't need to press yourself like that."

Kai struggled a little against his grip before surrendering.

"It's nothing" he said, not knowing if he tried to convince Ray or himself.

"Oh, come on" the Chinese almost growled. "We've been friends for, what? Four, five years?" Kai avoided his eyes. "What's up?"

He felt Kai swallow hard. His crimson eyes were veiled in tears. That scared him.

"Kai…" he dropped the papers and caressed his friend's cheek.

"Please, stop" the Russian moved away from the touch, as if it burned, and closed his eyes. A single tear rolled down his face, making him feel weak and stupid. He hated himself. He had pushed Ray away to avoid that kind of feelings and all he had done was bringing pain to both of them. Maybe he should have accepted his feelings for the Asian. He would still be a mess, but at least Ray would be fine.

"Kai, please" his friend pleaded.

He shook his head unable to speak even if he wanted to. Hell, even breathing was getting hard. He didn't resist when Ray pulled him into a tight embrace.

Having Kai quietly sobbing against his chest made him feel worse than ever in his life. Being rejected wasn't half as bad. He run a hand up and down Kai's back and rested his head on top of his. His slate hair tingled in his nose and brought him that nice scent the bed sheets had. He closed his eyes. That smell made him imagine himself standing in the middle of a pinewood holding a warm mug of chocolate. Sweet and balmy. Warm yet cold. He opened his eyes when Kai wrapped his arms around his waist. His breathing had steadied. Ray took it as a good signal.

"You smell awesome" he said. Kai let out a groan, probably thinking that was totally out of place. "I know it's an odd thing to say but… it's true."

"You've become far too used to hug me."

"I think it's fair after what we've gone through, right?" a soft grunt was the only answer. He could have also pointed out that Kai didn't precisely hate the contact, but the Russian would take it as a critic, as if he meant he was weak or something. And they both needed it. "Now, about what I said before…"

"I'm not taking holidays."

Ray puffed.

"If it's for Tyson and Max, I'm pretty sure Hilary will be more than happy to torture them."

"This is not about them."

The Chinese leaned back a little and combed his hair with his fingers to look at him in the eye. Kai gulped, ashamed of his behavior. But still he was unable to move away.

"About work then?" his friend asked. The ruby eyes darkened.

"May I… ask you something?"

Ray raised his brows.

"Of course."

"Have you ever felt… like everything you know for sure suddenly… it suddenly seems wrong?" Kai bit his lip. He had been mulling over Kane's words about priorities. The guy's reasoning was simple, but it had touched a fiber inside him. His grandfather ran a successful company; however, he had never seen him happy. If something, he behaved like an addict, desperately looking for a dose to satisfy his hunger of power. Wasn't he doing the same? Did he really want to be like that? But what did he have left if he renounced to it?

"Of course I do" Ray sighed. "I grew up hearing how awful the outer world was because it lacked moral and values and that kind of things…" he looked at his friend. "You might have not noticed, but I'm a pariah in my native town."

"But you went back sometimes."

The Chinese chuckled.

"That's because of Lee. He will soon be the leader, and if he tolerates me the others have to do the same. But now it's over…"

"Why?" Kai asked.

"I officially broke up with Mariah" he shrugged as if it was obvious. "They must be plotting a nice torture for me just in case I ever go back."

Kai narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists.

"They'd better not lay a hand on you."

He realized what he had just said when Ray looked in awe at him. Heat rose to his cheeks, but Ray pulled him closer again and shame faded away.

"How can you be a total jerk and then act this kind?"

Kai smiled at the insult.

"Years of practice" his smile grew wider when the Asian snickered.

"We weren't talking about me" Ray said, finally releasing him. The Russian was glad to see a soft shade of pink in his face. "What's bothering you?" he asked, sitting on the desk, in front of his friend.

Kai leaned back in his seat and inhaled deeply.

"Someone suggested everything I've been trying to achieve is a total nonsense. Well, not exactly like that… more like I should think what is more… important" he looked away.

"It's hard, but I think that happens to almost everyone."

"Yeah, but not everyone fucks things up as much as me" he stated. "I was up to ditch everything just to reach 'success'" he spat the word. "I'm not even sure what that means…"

Ray looked down at his feet. He was sorry that Kai felt that bad, but a part of him was angry at the bicolor for not realizing before.

"You can hit me if that makes you feel better" Kai said, somehow divining his thoughts.

The raven-haired sent him a quick glance.

"That would mean I still care" he murmured.

Kai arched a brow.

"Don't you?" he stiffened as a sudden wave of pain spread from his knee, where Ray kicked him. The Russian gritted his teeth and drew a low hiss, but didn't say anything. In fact, he seemed a little amused when they looked at each other. "Better?"

"Yeah. A couple more of that and I'll be feeling great" the raven-haired sent him a toothy grin.

"Don't push."

"Then… are we back to normal? I mean, being friends and that."

"I guess" he answered. Ray nodded, but he looked a little disappointed to Kai. "Unless you want me to kneel and ask you out."

The Chinese blushed deep.

"I don't think it's a good idea" he said despite it. "I was dating another person a day ago and your life just turned upside down. But…" he hesitated.

"I understand" Kai cut him. "I had a chance and I let it go. Things happened and we can't just pretend it's still the same" Ray nodded again. "Now go back to bed. You're still not training."

The Asian shook his head but did as told. He curled under the sheets and let their sweet scent calm his drifting mind. He felt safe imbibed in Kai's presence.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey there! As always I want to thank all of the people who are reading this, I can't suppress a smile whenever I see that much people from so many countries come take a look at this. Special thanks **Cuma** , **NorthernShinigami** and **CeceliaJade** for reviewing.

* * *

He sighed. That was the day.

Ray looked through the window, deep in thought. He'd had plenty of time to get used to the fact that he was seeing his old teammates again, they had been told three months ago about that tournament, but now the day had come and he wondered where had time gone.

A soft knock brought him back from his musing.

"Come in."

Kai entered the room and his heart pounded a little faster.

"Are you ready?" his captain asked.

"Yes" he nodded.

The Russian smiled a little.

"Good. I'll make sure Tyson and Max are done too" he sighed, exasperation clear in his voice.

Ray sent him a sympathetic look before he disappeared down the corridor. He made sure both Driger and his launcher were in perfect conditions before leaving his room.

Some moans and protests reached his ears as he headed to the front door. He was surprised to see the younger guys were already there. Max stiffened his yawns, while Tyson seemed to think crying out loud 'how tired he was' would help him. About Kenny, he had his head sunk in his laptop.

"Where is Hilary?" the Chinese asked. Being late wasn't like her.

"Her aunt has come to visit, so she won't join us today" Kenny answered without lifting his gaze from the screen.

Tyson grimaced.

"This day would be perfect without her… if it wasn't for Kai" he mused, and Max giggled slightly.

Ray arched a brow.

"You two are being way too insubordinate lately."

"He is a demon" the Japanese complained.

' _I know you all think I'm a soulless demon of some kind, which is probably true…'_ The raven-haired had to suppress a smile when his mind replayed Kai's words.

"He is our captain. He has to be harsh sometimes, or else we wouldn't get anything done."

"What side are you on?"

"We're all on the same side, Tys" he sighed.

"Not long ago you said you should have put laxatives in his food" the guy noted.

Ray blushed.

"T-that wasn't-"

A faint cough cut the conversation. Kai had approached the group without them noticing.

"I would like to arrive in time for once, so, can you start moving?" the bicolor gestured towards the door.

Tyson huffed but did as told, and Max and Kenny followed. Kai looked back at Ray, who held his head down, obviously embarrassed.

"Laxatives?" the Russian asked when he knew the others couldn't hear them.

The rave-haired gulped. Kai had been so nice for the last months he had almost forgotten he had been mad at him. Why did Tyson bring that back? Why couldn't the loud guy understand the effort Kai was doing to open up to them? He raised his gaze from the floor, up to apologize, but he didn't find any trace of annoyance in the ruby eyes. If something, there was a glint of amusement within them.

"Do you remember that time when you kind of tried to kill me through training?" he dared to say.

"…Maybe?" Kai frowned. He was aware he had put them through a stern regime of training while he was dealing with his feelings, but he hadn't noticed it was that bad. He had done it mainly because he needed to focus on something in order to forget about his feelings.

"Well, Tyson asked if I had put a laxative in your food to earn it, and I said I should have done it… It was just a stupid joke!"

"You don't need to apologize" the bicolor smiled. "I am the prick, not you."

They started walking after the rest of the team.

"Only when you want to" he stated. Kai arched a brow. "You know how to be nice."

The Russian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Ray was taking a stand for him, the least he could do was being polite and accepting the compliment.

"Thanks" he said, gaining a surprised look from his friend.

"You don't need to thank me" the raven-haired replied, but he couldn't help smiling. "We are friends."

"They are also your friends. Standing for me against them could cause you trouble."

Ray gave him a half smile.

"It's them we are talking about" he gestured towards the three guys walking a few meters ahead. "The worst they could do is pulling me a prank of some kind, like a water bucket over the doorframe. Besides I am the cook" he winked, "they just _can't_ be mean to me, unless they want to be eating broccoli until hell freezes over."

Kai snickered.

"And they say I'm twisted. That's genius" the bicolor smirked.

' _If he keeps smiling my brain will suffer a meltdown'_ Ray thought. He had fallen for Kai when the bicolor was the emotional equivalent of an iceberg. Now that the Russian showed his full personality, from his caring traits to his sarcastic humor, he needed all of his willpower not to drool over him.

Yes, he got it that bad.

"Whoa! Rare Kai smiling! Creepy…" Tyson said staring astonished at them.

Kai turned back into his captain mode and sent him an icy glare. However, for once, Ray's gaze was scarier by far. Tyson gulped as he could feel the golden orbs pierce his skin. The Chinese resembled a tiger studying his prey.

The raven-haired shook his head when he heard Tyson mumble something like "what's wrong with him?" He turned to Kai just to find him sending him an appraising look.

"W-what?"

The bicolor merely shrugged.

"You would make a good captain."

"That would be exhausting. Besides, you are the best, no matter what they say" he smiled.

To his surprise, Kai's face dropped. He wanted to ask, but they had already reached their destination. He joined the others while the bicolor went to check their inscriptions were correct and took their accreditations.

"Ray" Max called him, "I don't want to nose, but… do you like Kai?"

A shiver ran down his spine. He didn't like being the center of attention, and that was a question he wasn't ready to answer.

"He is my friend, of course I like him."

The blond narrowed his eyes.

"Don't play dumb, you know what I mean."

"C'mon, Max, who would like Mr. Sourpuss _that_ way?" Tyson noted, and Ray didn't know whether to hug him for saving him from explaining or punching him square in the face for his disrespect.

"Here" Kai said, handing them the accreditations. "Don't lose them. The draw of shifts will start in ten minutes."

* * *

When they entered the room where the draw would take place, the first person he saw was Lee. He glanced at Ray sideways, worried. Tyson and Max rushed to greet him, but the leader of the White Tigers didn't seem very pleased.

"Nice to see you too" he said, but the look he sent at Ray wasn't friendly at all. The rest of his team appeared, and Kai had to fight to suppress a sneer. If they were trying to be threatening, they failed miserably. They reminded him of a bunch of grumpy kittens.

"How are you, guys?" Ray asked, always polite.

Mariah turned her head and raised her chin, haughty. Kai arched a brow. Who did she think she was?

"Kids will be kids. Ray is ours, assume it" he smirked and wrapped an arm around Ray's shoulder. He could feel his friend tremble and he retrieved his arm. At least he had gotten the focus off the Asian.

"Nice as always, huh?" Lee said.

"My respect has to be gained" he retorted. "Acting like spoiled brats, as if Ray owed you something, isn't a good way of earning it."

They exchanged glares. The Chinese was the first to surrender, huffing and turning around.

"That was uncalled for" Tyson pouted. Kai blatantly ignored him and walked to the opposite side of the room the Chinese team had taken seat. The Japanese growled. "Aren't you gonna defend your friends?" he asked Ray.

"Tyson, Kai was defending me" he said.

"Did you have a fight with them?" Max asked, worried.

"Not exactly, I just…" he shook his head, not finding the words. He spared a look at his three younger teammates. They were eager to know, not out of curiosity, but because they cared about him. That thrilled him. "You remember they used to call me a traitor, but then they seemed to forgive me, right?" they nodded. "Well, it wasn't that simple. They thought my desire to travel was just a phase, that I would go back, get married and live the life I was expected to live" Ray paused to take a deep breath. "A few months ago I realized I couldn't do that. I don't love Mariah that way and I can't settle in a place like that. Needless to say they are not happy about it" he concluded with a sad smile.

"But… but… They are your friends!" Tyson exclaimed. Ray had to hush him.

"Nowadays, isolated villages like Ray's develop strong bonds between their members, rarely letting outsiders in, in order to preserve their way of life" Kenny logically explained.

"He's right, Tys" the raven-haired cut before the other could say anything. "They might forgive me someday, but not now."

"As if there was something to forgive…" Kai's voice startled them. Ray blushed and looked down at his feet, overwhelmed by his protective demeanor. Meanwhile, Tyson, Max and Kenny looked at the Russian as if they were seeing him for the first time.

* * *

"We did it!" Tyson beamed, entering the locker room.

"Don't shout" Kenny complained, caressing his temples. "We only made it to the next round, it's not like we won the tournament."

"Wet blanket" he pouted, gaining giggles from Max and Ray. He was happy to see the Chinese was more cheerful. "Why don't we go out for dinner to celebrate?"

"We have another encounter tomorrow" Kai noted. "You'll have plenty of time to party when the tournament is over."

Tyson groaned.

"Hey, we can get some ice cream on the way back" Max proposed.

"Yey, ice cream!" he grabbed the blond's hand and almost dragged him.

Kenny followed them, but turned to the older males when he realized they weren't coming.

"Are you staying?"

"I need to talk to Mr. Dickenson" the bicolor replied.

"Me too" Ray said, sending an interrogative look at Kai.

"Ok, see you at home."

They remained in silence after the younger boys left. Ray felt his blood rush in his veins, and feared his friend could feel his nervousness. He had the feeling that he should tell him something, but he wasn't sure of what. _'Hey, Kai, do you remember when you jokingly offered to kneel and ask me out, and how I rejected it? Well, I think I'm ready for it now'_ he thought in a mocking tone. Kai would send him to hell. Rightfully.

"May I ask what you'll tell Mr. D?" he questioned to force himself forget those ideas.

"…" Kai pressed his lips, doubtful, looking at the closed locker. His teammates had to know but it was painful to say. "Heh… I never thought this would be so difficult."

"Is there anything wrong?"

The Russian turned to face him, a sad smile creeping through his face. Ray felt a tug in his chest.

"I… I know this is the right thing to do… and I do want this but…" he ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "I'll start at college after this summer" he spat.

The Chinese blinked a couple times. Kai could almost see the gears of his brain spin, trying to process the new.

"So, uh, well… I understand we won't see you so often, but it's normal, right? I'm going to apply for a job and maybe look for some culinary courses. Mr. D told me to come up to him, because he has some acquaintances who could help me. Everyone eventually start to think about future, that doesn't mean we have to quit…"

"I'll study abroad" he interrupted him. Ray froze. His heart skipped a beat. "I'm not going to abandon you, I'll keep coming back for breaks and we can keep in touch…"

"…But you won't be our captain…" the raven-haired completed. Kai nodded. "That's why you seemed sad when I complimented you as captain."

He couldn't suppress the tremor that took over his frame. Thankfully, he was sitting on the bench, otherwise he would have fallen. Kai sat next to him and rubbed his back. The Asian threw himself over him, not caring what the other would think. Kai felt warm tears streaming down his chest.

"I-I'm sorry" Ray's voice sounded muffled against his shirt. "I should be… happy for you…"

"It's not easy being selfless twenty four-seven" he tried to joke, but his tone quivered.

The raven-haired managed to dry his eyes and released him.

"Where are you going?"

"Cambridge" Ray felt dizzy. "They already accepted me. I guess having this surname has a bright side."

"You deserve it" the other assured. "You work hard and your grades are awesome" Kai scratched the back of his head, looking cute to him.

"I also wondered if you'd like to come with me."

The Chinese tilted his head, not sure if he had heard correctly.

"You want to travel and there are great chefs in the UK, so…" he kept saying at the lack of response.

"You and I… living… together?"

"It was just an idea, you don't have to-" Ray crashed him into a tight hug, cutting his breath. "May I take that as a 'yes'?"

"You are being too nice to me; I don't know how to pay you back."

"Ray, you already do a lot for us" he caressed his hair. It was a little sweaty but he couldn't care less.

"Kai" he called, not daring to meet his eyes. His face burned, but he had to say it. "You need to know this if we are going to live together because I'm probably going to act like a stupid whenever I have you around, and I don't want to annoy you because I… I…" the words seemed to stick in his throat. "I love you!" he blurted out.

The air around him seemed to thicken with every second. He was sure he would pass out and started to regret saying that, until Kai held one of his hands and squeezed it. They looked at each other. Ray had never seen the crimson iris shine that way.

"I think it's obvious but… I love you too" an affectionate smile graced his features.

"I…" his voice faltered. "If this is a dream I don't want to wake up" he said, and then pulled him into a kiss. Kai couldn't help grinning. He had finally done the right thing.

* * *

Time seemed to slow its pace as the blade flew out of the dish. It described an elegant arch before reaching the floor and rebounded a couple of times before stopping at its owner's feet. He contemplated Driger, proudly spinning in the middle of the battle area. And then he heard the screams. The crowd roared and clapped. Someone jumped on him, and all he could hear were his friends congratulating him.

"We did it!" Tyson said, raising a fist, and they all started laughing.

"That last move was awesome Ray" Max cheered.

"Yeah, you have to teach us that!"

The raven-haired took a look around until he located Kai. The Russian stood a couple of meters away, smiling at him. When their eyes locked the bicolor mouthed 'well done'. Ray felt a wave of happiness washing over him.

The referee announced them as winners of the tournament, and they approached to salute the other team.

"That was a really good battle" the Chinese told them.

"Such a pity we lost at the finals" his opponent said, "but losing to you isn't a dishonor."

"Thanks, Kane. I'm happy you could have a break at work to attend the tournament" he gave him a handshake and smiled faintly at Salima.

They had met at the end of the first day of the tournament, when Kai and he went to talk to Mr. Dickenson about their future plans. Kane, Salima, Goki and Jim were at the man's office. It was quite a shock to Ray seeing the redhead hanging on Kane's arm; he didn't know how he would have handled it if Kai hadn't been with him. She obviously hadn't told Kane about the petty romance they shared months ago… and he didn't feel like spoiling their relationship.

While Mr. Dickenson handed Tyson the trophy, he turned to Kai and kissed him. The Russian tensed, but when surprise vanished he pulled the Asian closer and deepened the kiss. He could feel hundreds of eyes put in them, the gasps and some squeals –he didn't know whether out of horror or excitement-.

"I told you!" he heard Max say, and Ray couldn't suppress a burst of laughter.

"I hope this is not because _she_ is here" Kai whispered against his lips.

"I admit a childish side of me wanted a little revenge… but this is mainly because I love you and don't want to hide what I feel for you."

"Good" the bicolor smiled and brushed his lips with his. "Should I brace myself for a murder attempt from your beloved Chinese friends?"

Ray giggled.

"Don't you worry, I'll be your bodyguard."

"That was my line."

"Hey, lovebirds!" they looked at Tyson, who held a camera. "Say cheese!"

* * *

This is almost over, folks! Hope you enjoyed it this far.


	7. Epilogue

The first thing he saw every morning was his and Ray's surprised stare from the picture on the nightstand. Tyson had immortalized that moment, right after their first public kiss… in front of a full stadium and who knows how many people watching on TV. Ray loved the picture because, in the Asian's words, _'it proves there is a human being under that iron curtain of yours'_. Kai wouldn't say it out loud, but it made him feel stupidly happy.

He sighed, content, looking down at the top of Ray's head and stroking his silky strands of black hair. The Chinese let out a delighted purr in his sleep, snuggling closer against his chest. Kai smiled fondly.

His cellphone rang, making them both flinch.

"Who calls you on a Sunday morning?" Ray protested groggily, rolling away from him and hiding his head under the pillow.

"Hmm…" the bicolor stretched a little and grabbed his phone. He sighed heavily at the sight of the name on the screen. "Morning, Diana" he said as he stood, letting a hint of annoyance slip into his voice.

"Good morning, sir" she practically chimed. "I know it's early, but, Smith's group accepted our conditions!" Kai shook his head, half a smile forming in his lips. He could picture her jumping excitedly. "You just have to sign the contract."

"Now?" he moaned, sparing a glance at his boyfriend. Ray straightened when noticing his tone.

"All of the members of the group are reunited now, we shouldn't miss this chance."

"You have to go?" the Chinese asked. He tried to keep his voice neutral, but Kai knew he was deceived. He was himself. They had just finished their exams; all he wanted was to recover the time they both spent studying and working.

"Diana" he called, "there is no need for me to be there. Get them to sign and send me the papers."

"But, sir, this is important" she insisted.

"It's not the end of the world" he let out a soft chuckle. "Besides, I trust you to solve any detail left."

"S-sir…" she stuttered. "I'll take you the papers as soon as I'm done here!"

"There is no…" she hung up, "…hurry" Kai sighed. "I love her efficiency as much as I hate it."

The raven-haired giggled, now fully awake. Kai watched him as he gracefully jumped out of bed and pulled the curtains open. The Russian walked towards him and hugged him from his back, resting his chin on Ray's broad shoulder.

It was a cloudy day despite being early June, but none of them was surprised. They had been living in England for almost two years. _'Two years'_ Ray thought, absently caressing the other guy's cheek. They could have been twenty, judging by how natural their relationship felt. They had their ups and downs, just like anyone, but they always seemed to find a way through.

"We should get ready if Diana is coming" Ray mused aloud.

"I'm sorry about that" the bicolor replied, loosening the embrace.

"It could have been worse" the Chinese smiled and kissed him softly. Then he went to pick some clothes from the drawer. "I'm glad you delegated a little on her."

Kai narrowed his eyes.

"Not that I had much choice."

Ray grinned unabashedly. Of course Kai had a choice. What he knew it meant was that Kai would choose him over work anytime. And that made him happy to no end.

They had had a huge argument a few months after starting their life together. The thing was Kai spent almost all of his time awake either in class, studying or working. Ray's culinary courses were hard too, and he also did the housework as his boyfriend didn't have much time left. That didn't trouble him. The problem was he felt alone. He had left his whole life behind, his friends and family, and for what? One day he burst into tears because he burnt a toast. That made him realize how bad things were for him, so he confronted Kai.

After a lot of shouting and crying, the Russian snapped as well. He wasn't any better than Ray. He was used to shut his feelings and keep going, but he was sick of being so busy and tired that the only words he shared with Ray were 'good morning' and 'good night'. He called Diana and she took charge of part of his duties since then.

That had been their only major problem that far. Kai's antics towards some of their classmates –those who got _too_ close to Ray for his likes- were something he had foreseen, and the Chinese could easily cope with that. And, to be fair, Kai only kept away the people who had… _dishonest_ intentions. The guy seemed to have a radar for that.

' _Well, only when it's about me'_ Ray internally smiled. Amusingly enough, Kai was totally oblivious to flirtation when being at the receiving end. The raven-haired wasn't jealous; he knew his boyfriend better than that. If the bicolor had interest in another person, he would tell him and break up before doing anything. So, instead of being annoyed, he found kinda entertaining the vain attempts of Kai's classmates.

He put on a pair of comfortable loose jean, a light sweater and tied his hair in a ponytail. He went to the kitchen, where Kai had already put a teapot on the stove and was making toasts. Ray never asked him to do breakfast on his free days, Kai allocated himself that task, and the Asian let him do. He was aware the bicolor felt bad about letting him do the housework, although it was because he had a consuming job, and did gestures like that to compensate. It thrilled him.

Ray stopped his musing when a mug of his favourite tea was placed on the counter before him.

"Thank you."

Kai was rewarded with a warm smile and felt his cheeks heating up. He was still amazed by how much Ray affected him. A tiny but noticeable smile curved his lips. He didn't care anymore. He loved that feeling tickling inside his chest, growing stronger every day.

"What would you like to do?" he asked.

"I chose last time" the raven-haired replied. Kai merely shrugged. "You're spoiling me" he chuckled.

"You're way too nice. No harm in consenting you a little" the Russian pointed while spreading Ray's homemade jam over a toast.

The Chinese shook his head.

"Well… how does a walk through the Botanical Garden sound?"

"Good."

"They might have some activity" Ray perked up. "Last time they were making baskets, but I heard there are also drawing courses and…"

Kai laughed softly.

"If you were so eager to go again you should have told me before."

"None of us had many days off, and getting to rest at home is nice too" the Asian shrugged. "Anything is fine for me if I can spend time with you."

The bicolor lowered his gaze and nodded, a pink blush on his cheeks. The casual way Ray voiced his feelings for him reminded him how much of an inept he was in that matter.

"Kai, not again" the raven-haired lectured. "You always make that face when you start questioning our relationship. I don't like it."

"I'm not. Really" he swore. "I just… I wish I could be that open with how I feel."

Even after two years, the bicolor seemed to fear he was not good enough for him. Probably because he was still feeling guilty about the way he had treated Ray after their first kiss, and was worried he could go back to that cold attitude without noticing.

Ray shook his head, a patient smile gracing his features, and fondled the side of his face. Kai lovingly nuzzled his hand.

"You are, Kai, in your own way. Every time you respond to my touch like this…" he stuttered when the Russian kissed his palm. "I… uhm… what was I saying?"

Kai sniggered.

"You were explaining that you don't mind I'm a lost cause."

"Oh, right" he retrieved his hand because, honestly, if Kai kissed it again his heart would come out of his chest. "By the way, you are not a lost cause. Just… different. I don't want a cuddly and corny boyfriend who texts me every ten minutes to say how much he loves me and how he misses me. I love _you_. I love the way you give me space to do things on my own because you trust me, the way you encourage me to pull my limits because you believe I'm better than I myself think. You've made so many efforts to stand by my side when I needed you… to make me feel loved…" at that point a few tears shed from his eyes. Kai cupped his face in his hands and dried them with his thumbs.

"Really?" he asked, marveled. "Do I really do that?"

"You don't even notice."

"I don't… It's not an effort. I just want to be there for you."

"See?" Ray grinned. "You do it. You might not say the words, but you prove it."

Kai smiled, touched, and leaned over him to kiss him lightly. _'I love you'_ the gesture said, _'to the core'_. And Ray could hear it, loud and clear.

* * *

So this is the end. Thank you so much to all the people who read and commented, it made me really happy :)


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